addictive attachment....as Grace...

This I was shown. Strong 'fear-based emotional reaction' - addiction, an aspect of personality, is heal-able. While acting out fear - with anything - Grace waits. 

My personality's heavy handed demon was control. Its act was work-a-holism. 
'Haul-it'-ism. Needy sub-accounts included television (remote 'control' in hand) food exercise approval attention worry. This lethal concoction poisoned my inner joy. It almost snuffed out living- right here right now.

By nature I am a kind generous intuitively wise Being. These qualities were co-opted, distorted, mutated during their imprisonment. Appearing as trouble making habitual patterns. The courageous willingness to witness previously unexamined thought forms, behaviors - was received during Grace-filled moments.

Now as I breathe with Life, a living meditation - Grace has an eternal access pass. Erasing the neediness impulse, helps Me help me. Inner Me - being One with All-That-Is offers uninterrupted energy guidance. It offers understanding, wisdom, gentle lessons, a joyful awakening. Whopee!!

This Invisible process is aided by slippage. Lingering mental/emotional disturbances provide loving reminders. Being with Process becomes easier and simpler. In a state of Grace.

As I noticed compulsive urge-n-cy  reactivated by blogging - I paused. Then inwardly played with optional scenarios. I watched for resonant good feeling which I've grown to trust. Ah...there it was. Once a week may be or twice a month, feel with it, and see. 

My little book project grew up a bit during recent 'blog break'. So did I.

Grace provides space. Accepted -  space becomes a void-a vacuum. Attracting our intention. Grace led me to appreciative compassion. Showed me a Love-filled creative process. 

I married Love. I go. I click off this machine (after a few gentle previews ;~>).

I bid you unending Graceful moments. Love love love...Life!

Multi-Tasking

Lee Hirsh-owner operator of Mobility Quest is a wisdom teacher. "Driving, Antoinette, is multitasking", she humorously quipped, foot held inches above her Instructor's brake. It was July 2008 after her initial coginition evaluation. I'd passed. Post-strokes, etc. brain was functional enough. I buckled up.

Flash forward...Ms. Hirsh patiently course corrected MANY previously long held less than healthy driving habits. Flash forward- Every drive, anywhere is appreciated and multi-tasked - with conscious aware.

Dear Lee had jump started an innocent quest into re-framing this oft ill thought of word. In a day and age when multitasking habits have dire consequences I inquired-curiously. Discovering blending any task with mindful awareness (and breathing...) offers another view.

As I washed last nights dishes this morning I breathed. Involuntary reflex, yes-done consciously becomes voluntary reflection. Task number one. I noticed a slight tightness in my right shoulder. Task two-mindful awareness. As I breathed deeply, rolling my shoulders (3) hearing Tanya Greve, beloved yoga instructor's melodic voice - I fully enter task four.  Dishwashing yoga  practice. Feet firmly planted, hips squared, lumbar curved naturally supporting the whole kit and kabbudle - I breathe often and deeply.

Pots and pans, dishes too breathed along with me. Happy to be cleaned (purification) and cleared (clarity). All elemental steps along the Way, like driving in LA.

All that inside a string of sudsy moments! When given reverence and trust muliti-tasking morphs. Every move we make becomes a meditation. We're breathing and living - discovering wisdom's clues. One breath, one dirty dish, one shoulder roll, one day, moment to moment - at a time.

Warm wonder-filled multi-tasking day to YOU!

Joy be with you.

Exposed Truth

Before the flirt with disintergration - I talked a good talk. Was not walking it.
Every post I am called forth to speak- I am called forth to live.

Being a devoted talk walker, is a way hOMe. Simply. Integration is integral.

Whatever becomes gleamed, resonates universally-So be it.

Thank you dear ones for this place to Be.

I walk forth today. Breathing...often and deeply...
In and out - Here and Now - In Truth and Humor.

Humor - a playfulness in process. I chuckle.
It arrives in waves - as I get out of, Way's way.

Love and blessings. Peaceful day.

Truth + Humor

True confessions of a neophyte blogger.

As non-fiction book elements began flowing - a blog became a next best step.
Sounds a bit 'means to an end-ish'. Truthfully, it was - at first. Publishers apparently want writers with readers.  Welcome to the 21st Century Antoinette! I used to promote other people's creations - if Film and Television product qualify. Dude Where's My Car? Doogie Howser? Hmmm.

Here we are looking at 'means to an end'. Named by Eckhart Tolle as one of three incessant assassins of Here and Now. Paraphrasing a teeny bit with his 'Power of Now' wording, here's all three:
-Making the moment into a means to an end
-Viewing it as a problem
-Treating it as an enemy.

Overnight  this blog became a nurturing entity. Never a problem or enemy. An opening up, an allowing, an invited learning curve. Coming back to life offered similar benefits. Interesting how 'challenging' circumstances  offer benefits. Feel like a few drifts of snow?

Whilst blogging - a useful timer on microwave helps Curb My Enthusiasm. Every thirty minutes it buzzes.
I get up, walk away from keyboard. Relax retreat renew. Breathe, stretch out blog cramped muscles.
Then pick a five+ minute iPod tune and DANCE.

Buzzzzzer just went off. See you in five.

Back after six minutes with Tears for Fears -"Sowing the Seeds of Love". Lyrics popped out.  

"Time to eat all your words...swallow your pride...open your eyes..."

More truth. Losing all your bodily functions is a great initiatory rite. I could neither eat or use words, at first. Just because I was humbled by an extraordinarily humbling experience - prideful-ness lingered. My eyes where opened as Third Eye energy awakened me. I looked closely at pride. It stunk. Blocked Flow.

Thankfully-due to oppressive circumstances most of what I pridefully coveted was lost. Or I chose to leave it. The rest Spirit is soulfully simmering, melting away. Like the Wicked Witch of the West's ending cry- 'I'm melting I'm melting'..it too whimpers and whines.

Admittedly as brain functions rebooted ego-mind slithered back in. Insidious bugger! Gremlin's best friend. Offering twist and turns that strength my daily resolve. A watchful eye compassionately monitors all. No-thing left to do - simply Be. Here. Now. I breathe. I give thanks. Deeply...and often.

And blog...HAHAHA!!!

See you soon. Peace filled blessings be with you.

Here and Now...dance...

Here and now - I am sitting, writing, breathing. Played Bowie's "Let's Dance' - danced around a bit to loosen  bones. Sundown evening chill, freshens the air. I am curious.

What's your here and now? What's your breath feeling-saying?

Rick Carson, author creator of 'Taming Your Gremlin' method says this about breath. Step #4 in his taming principles is Breathe Dammit Breathe.  My light weight version is Breathe Baby Breathe.

Our gremlin, monkey mind, sabotuer - the constant chatter box - whatever we call it - is a life stopper.
It's a dismissive disruptor of moment to moment living. Our Here and Nowness! Our natural Oneness with breath and breadth can become derailed.

Up side is - monster in our mind IS tamable. With effort, not strain as Rick describes it. Mine almost won.
I'd let this toxic hairball of past future thinking habits get so very large. I choked on it. I let it temporarily rob me of my breath.


As a middle aged toddler, returning from a two month coma, re-learning to breathe was a first step. Hospital rooms became curiosity classrooms. A school where a recess bell never rang. Learning to breathe (and all else) was a full time devotional practice. I dug it.

So here we are breathing often and deeply. Honoring a vital, but  under-appreciated gift. I do so I love it. It loves us - heals - frees- causes- allows us to dance! 

It led me safely, to a dark underbelly of silent (but deadly) psychotic compulson. I B R E A T H E D- like a psyche lamaze student. Breath - in the lead, inhale-exhale. Lighting up dank dark corners. Wielding a powerful torch, intent enough to find - uncover what was not me. Guiding me and melting away false- fractured concepts and beliefs. It empowered me to change, shift, evolve. It is Here. It is Now. Let's Dance some more...

Rick goes on. Step #6 - Establish here and now as a home base - from which we shine our spotlight of awareness. Beautiful. This ability to respond to life moment to moment is our access code to wonder. Life's wonder is revealed. Spaciousness and freedom return after cleaning-clearing out-converting mental clutter.
Being present-breathe to breathe. Hmmmmmm...ahhhhhhh...y e s.

A spacious Invisible presence fills us up. Like a deep breath. We become reflections of It. As we consciously focus our spotlights of awareness. AND DANCE!

See you, Dear Ones, next week!

In...and Out....

Breathing is what we do. First breath as we arrive - newly birthed. Last breath as we depart our body. Simple, huh? Too often - we hold our breath, unaware of waiting. For the light to change, the phone to chime. Doubt, fear, elation, expectation, what thought form holds us captive? Maybe all. Krishnamurti describes fear as an unconscious re-action to the movement from certainty to uncertainty. I felt a wee bit of it here - being a newbie blogger. So I took in a deep long breath. And let it all out...e x h a l e . False Expectations Appearing Real disappear into no-thing-ness. Poof!

WELCOME to a uniquely learned - dynamic view of life. Breathe Often Deeply will take us into our mental/emotional nooks and crannies-and our galactic vistas. Mahatma Gandhi offers us this - "Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind". 

I aspire to inspire with light poignant snow drifts. And at times to crack us up, wide open! With deep belly breathing laughs!! Sharing friendly bits and pieces of an ever deepening wisdom.  Received while having lost my breath. Completely-for a lengthy stretch of time. 

Now - that I didn't depart I have decidedly arrived. Get my drift?

Join me whenever a word or two might refresh your outlook. Tickle your still-ancient-wise Inner Voice. 

May Its' sweet whispers all-ways be h'ear'd by our hearts.